phinkabourit!

final post

2006-09-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

after 3 months since my last post...this will be the last...this blog shall remain a memory for me...of the mistakes i've made and of all the memories that i will cherish...

good bye...

i wanna go to...

2006-06-22T01:07:00.000+08:00

the UK!!!

there's where the global gathering is happening!!!

jom...

2006-05-15T13:58:00.000+08:00

let's have a field trip to Volkswagen's latest facility in Wolfsburg and Dresden, Germany!!!

let's go for seafood...

2006-04-26T23:42:00.000+08:00

hahaha...let's go have some Mediterranean seafood!!!

also, check out what these people put in their homes...i thought the Erasable Shower Tablet was a good idea!!! you never known when you're hit with a brilliant idea and have to jot it down...

and do check out Rolling Stone's article on 'The Worst President in History". no prize for guessing who it is.

and don't we all wish every fashion brand markets their product like that!!!

nice...

2006-04-05T23:29:00.000+08:00

eddie baute takes nice pictures...really nice pictures...mostly of girls...pretty girls...hot girls...in very suggestive poses...

i should take up photography as a hobby. specialising in erotic shots. yes, i should.

and here's another interesting link. typefaces go one-on-one.

emo slut...

2006-03-12T13:19:00.000+08:00

damn emoslut tagged me...

4 jobs I have had in my life:
1. mechanic
2. graphic designer
3. student
4. sales exec

4 movies I would watch over and over:
1. pulp fiction
2. snatch
3. godfather trilogy
4. there's too many to name

4 places I have lived:
1. klang
2. melbourne
3. klang
4. subang (weekends...hahaha...)

4 TV shows I love to watch:
1. lost
2. drawn together
3. entourage
4. my name is earl

4 places I have been on vacation:
1. singapore
2. beijing
3. sydney
4. hattyai

4 nicknames I've been given:
1. arboon
2. arboon
3. arboon
4. boon

4 things I could NOT live without:
1. mobile phone
2. coke
3. family and friends
4. yimun

4 of my favorite foods:
1. nasi lemak
2. pork noodles
3. economy rice (do u realise that now it's called "mixed rice"?! it ain't economical anymore)
4. actually i don't complain much about food nor do i have any 1 particular favorite...

4 places I would rather be right now:
1. somewhere cold
2. anywhere besides being stuck in the office on a sunday noon
3. out with yimun
4. BORA BORA!!!

4 friends who I have tagged that I think will respond
1. mike leong
2. ann wong
3. the rest of my list has been tagged by either the emoslut, looney or yc...
4. who am i kidding? i haven't got much friends that blog...

Medical Certificate

2006-03-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

haven't been posting in a while.

damn lazy.

nothing to say.

my life's as boring as watching paint dry.

it's the same shit everyday.

ughhh...

pimp my shoes...

2006-01-18T18:04:00.000+08:00

unlike looney, i do not own alot of shoes. in fact, i only own a pair of Converse All Star (CHEAP AND LASTING!!!), a pair of Adidas Country (a gift from yimun, i hardly wear them now since i bought the All Star), a pair of Dunlop Volleys i brought back from Melbourne (VALUE FOR MONEY!!!), a pair of Polo (Not Ralph Lauren...wahahahahaha...) leather shoes for work and a pair of Nike Zoom Air Control futsal boots.

and so, here's what rocks my socks...

i just bought this recently!

pony!! you wouldn't believe who brought them into Malaysia...

might get this one next.

don't mind getting this as well.

would love to get this...

no more drama...

2006-01-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

it's been getting very stagnant nowadays. weekdays aer spent working in the day, hanging out with some friends at night. come weekends and i'll be at yimun's. most of the time we'd go out, shopping malls in the day (Chinese New Year is around the corner, so we've got some shopping to do), clubbing at night. occasionally, we'll stay in for a movie or nothing at all. this routine has been going on for quite sometime.

oh did i mention we went to KLCC Aquaria the other day? a pity we didn't have a camera with us. but i did take some pictures with my phone's camera.

the 'kelisa' or malaysian arowana. a beautiful specimen at that too.

a chameleon. i don't mind keeping one at home.

water dragon.

there were some arachnids too. forgot what's this called though.

and of course, some tarantulas.

moray eels.

and there were some pre-historic chephalopods towards the end too.

didn't get to take any picture in the bigger aquarium. a waste we didn't have a camera with us. and they should've sold some disposable cameras on site. damn. well, i wouldn't mind heading back there again. hopefully i would've gotten myself a camera by then.

i'm thinking of getting the Sony DSC-N1. read some good reviews on it. and i've actually tried one at Sony Styles (is it Sony Styles?!) at 1 Utama after we left KLCC Aquaria. not bad at all. and the touch screen is wonderful. it sure cleared away a lot of buttons. i'll see how my Chinese New Year turn out. hahahaha...

more tatts...

2005-12-23T11:41:00.000+08:00

here's more tattoo pics i pinched from modblog...

this is one wicked tatt!!!
i think angel wings are becoming very popular...

i just told yimun i wanted to get gun tattoo last weekend!!!

this one even advices you what not to tattoo on your skin!!!

even the cops wear it proud!!!

this has got to be one of the best scarrification i've seen.

i wonder if yimun would mind getting me a tattoo for christmas... wooooo hoooooooo.....

i is been verkin' much

2005-12-15T20:44:00.000+08:00

still am very busy. busy and lazy. plus i haven't have much to blog about. but yeah, anyways, i'm just here to post some pictures i nicked off modblog. hennnnjoy...

wicked full angel's wings

hahaha... chickies...

this is sick man!!! she had a silicone knuckle duster implanted into her chest!!!

yes, yes... this is not a tattoo...

BUT THIS IS!!! HAHAHA... DANCING ROBOTS!!!

by the way, do check out needled, a blog on tattoo culture by Marisa DiMattia, a New York attorney and writer.

will be back with another post, hopefully before the new year! hahaha see ya!

modify thyself...

2005-12-02T20:33:00.000+08:00

hahaha...hooi min sent me this a while ago... u guys MUST have a look...

LOOK!!!

CAUGHT YOUR ATTENTION EY?!

quick one...

2005-11-29T23:04:00.000+08:00

no time... busy... work... shit... ughhhhh...

anyways, here's the other magnet-dynamo-obscene hand shaking-powered torch light.

and this is what it says:-

Features:
1) Only shake it forward and backward while use. So as to make it generating to light up.

2) Its switch system is based on advanced magnetic induction technologies. So it's long in service life and reliable in performance.

Advantages:
1) A torch is used for emergency lighting purpose. However, the traditional battery-supplied torch may cause you a big trouble because the battery will become ineffective and produce pollution if the torch is left idle for a long time. The chargeable torch also has the problem of power leakage; or it will help you remember to charge only at the time you need. This innovative torch is the breakthrough in solution to waste and inconvenience.

2) Being self-supplying, it will serve you long and well.

Caution:
1) Never keep it close to household appliances or other articles which need to be shielded from magnetism.

2) We will not take the responsibility for any loss caused by improper use.

Not bad English if you ask me... opsss got to run... there's a storm coming. being unable to go online at home is bad enough (the lightning fried my home modem last week), i wouldn't want to lose my office modem too. will post more shit, when i have the time... sigh... year end hustle...

made in china...

2005-11-21T22:09:00.000+08:00

i have here, in my possession, the amazing HAND-PRESSING FLASH LIGHT!!! yimun's dad bought this for us (he bought a few units) a few months ago and we have had such laughs then. then we got bored of it and it was relegated into the glove compartment/box in my car (why do they call it the glove compartment here in malaysia when none of us actually wear gloves...) anyways, i found the box for the HAND-PRESSING FLASH LIGHT again today while searching for a lighter in the car, and i thought 'man, i should put this shit up in my blog...' wahahahaha so here it is...

hahahaha...the instructions on the box is absolutely hilarious. this is what it says -

PRODUCT CHARCTERISTICS:

1. This product is a new science and technology product and made with high and new science and technology. It can illuminate only placing it in rhythm.

2. No need any power, no environmental pollution. Low noise and health. Comparing with common torch, it can be several times on lift.

3. Con stantly using this health torch, it can benefit to your palm, arm and shoulder stretching and blood circulation, so as to let your hands relax and brain clever, hand and brain coor dinate and promote your brain memory and health composition.

fucken hell, this shit really works!!! tim can be the testimony. he had a go with the HAND-PRESSING FLASH LIGHT for like 3 minutes and he could feel his hand became relax and his brain clever. AHAHAHAHAHAH...

i say if you want to "relax your hand and brain clever, hand and brain coor dinate and promote your brain memory and health composition", it'll take more than just to light up a couple of LED hooked up to a dynamo. some new science and technology huh...

paper paper...

2005-11-18T02:15:00.000+08:00

paper is all i see...all day and most of the nights... for the past 24 years! i was born into this industry, me. and we deal with paper ALOT! and you would think that i'd be sick of it already...

but this shit really fascinates me!

will learn more about it here... though i don't read korean...

wooo hooooo...

2005-11-07T18:13:00.000+08:00

har har har...i wonder if we can grow these species of cactus here in Malaysia. they're beautiful, aren't they?! they're called peyote plant. and i foresee that they'll be very popular soon.

and do you know where do blue balls come from?!

and check out vera bee's fantastic illustrations...

and chris appelhans has some beautiful drawings to share...

and go crazy with coca-cola's new christmas flash games...though christmas is still about 7 weeks away...

HOI...

2005-11-02T22:53:00.000+08:00

i received an email a few months back with a short movie clip attached. it was a stand up comedy by some unknown dude that looks like an indian to me, but i wasn't sure, about why chinese people and indian people can't work together. and it cracked the shit out of me. that guy is seriously funny! but with no name whatsoever, the movie clip became a archived movie file in my movies folder.

but a couple of days ago, while i was out having dinner with yimun's family, her sister recommended russell peters to me, a canadian indian stand up comedian. and she was saying how funny he is. so back to yimun's house, she threw me the dvd containing the full act. IT'S HIM! russell peters. i laughed non-stop from the start till the end of the whole show. his stuff isn't fresh, but the way he tells it, his facial expression, his accent, everything falls into place. his material's mostly about other races, and how one race perceive the other race. sort of how we malaysian chinese talk about malaysian indians and malays, and vice versa. maybe that's why i, as a malaysian in a multi-cultured country, can relate!

i've been hitting the replay button for the 7th time in 3 days! hahahaha... he's THAT funny... or maybe i'm just easily amused. so you guys should watch it... or SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET A HURT REAL BAD...

still nothing...

2005-10-31T12:23:00.000+08:00

there's still nothing to blog...

except that i've got my earlobes enlarged another notch. now i'm up to 12mm. walter didnt have any transparent pyrex or acrylic plugs, so i got myself surgical steel top hats instead. didn't like the top hats but they were the only 12mm tunnels he have. tried to pop in the 13mm surgical steel plain tunnels, but it wouldn't fit. oh well, guess i have to settle for these for the mean time. 3 more weeks later and i'm up to where i want to be. 14mm!!! and with my Pyrex double flare plugs too!!!

oh...happy deepavali to those who celebrate...and happy holidays to all!!!

i've got nothing to blog...

2005-10-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

i have nothing to update...

damn, my life's getting less and less interesting. it's so boring i bore myself. need to get out of routine, get out of routine! arghhh...

oh my...

2005-10-20T23:43:00.000+08:00

children all around the world won't be too happy to read this... but then again, it's all taken care of... so, REJOICE children of the earth!!!

badger...

2005-10-18T00:25:00.000+08:00

i watched "it's all gone pete tong" last night. it's a comedy following the tragic life of one legendary frankie wilde, one of the best djs alive. taking the form of a bio-pic, the movie circles around the high life that he lived in, being a superstar dj playing in one of the best club in ibiza, staying in a huge villa with his trophy wife, and the drugs and booze and girls (there's one part of the movie where he snogs a girl with his wife sitting next to him. then his wife asks him if he has a condom. he said 'no, i'm not going to fuck her." then the camera pans out to show that she was having a go with another guy!)

then the shit hits the fan. being born with a hearing disorder, he rapidly going deaf. his sets are shit. his production is down the drain. and his wife leaves him. frankie plunges into a depression. after a year of locking himself away in total silence ( he thought that with absolute silence he can bring his hearing back) he emerges on the other side with a fresh attitude towards life and his disability (actually that came after he tried to blow his head up using fireworks, but decided to ditched the idea halfway through with the fuse lit...fucken hilarious!!!) soon he accepts his deafness and learns to function without sound.

did i mention about the badger?! through out the movie, whenever frankie's comtemplating snorting, this badger mascot will appear and starts to forcefeed frankie the coke. anybody has any idea what's the symbolism behind the coke badger?!

and the movie has alot of cameo appearances from all the big name djs! tiesto, pvd, carl cox, lol hammond, and of course, pete tong. overall a very entertaning movie! i did a quick search on frankie wilde to see if he's real. and this is what i got! hahahaha... marketing kau kau!!!

negaraku...

2005-10-15T19:09:00.000+08:00

this is a must read to all fellow malaysians...

tagged...

2005-10-14T22:11:00.000+08:00

i was tagged by yc to take a picture of myself mimicking her. and i got carried away with the finger action.

henjoyyy...

this is what she came up with

this is my version of it

gawdamit, there's something up there...my index finger won't fit...

maybe i can shove my little pinky up...

BUAHAHAHAHA...

you can view the rest that was tagged here at looney's site.

what the...?!

2005-10-11T02:38:00.000+08:00

right, haven't been posting much. been busy with stuff. not that it's anything at all. just lazy. hahahaha...

anyways, i've got a question. have u ever wondered why does our nations fire fighters wear the camo print uniforms?! has it ever crossed your mind?!

i mean, what's the purpose?! we all know the army wears camo to hide from the enemy. but why our fire fighters?! who are they hiding from?! the fire?!?! what the fuck, right?!?!

"oooooo...there's the fire. good thing i'm wearing my camo uniform. now that it can't see me, i'll sneak behind and douse it out with my swiss army fire extinguisher that has 32 extra tools i have no idea what's the use for and a flash memory so i can plug in my ipod and transfer that britney spears song! what a great soundtrack it'd be!!"

pfffttttt..... PHINKABOURIT EH!!!

random...

2005-10-02T02:24:00.000+08:00

went to sungei wang today with hong. it's only the second time i'm there since i got back. the first being with yimun, there to meet eileen when she was down from singapore. the day something went amiss.

hong was there to meet her friend from penang. it's school holidays now! how i miss my school days and holidays.

and sungei wang has really changed! gawdamn. like how melwin always say - "sungei wang is a subculture by itself!" true that, my friend. and i keep getting lost inside there! i've no idea where i was, i keep walking in circles. i really need a tour guide the next time i go there.

didn't buy a thing. i've been really stingy with my money nowadays. hardly spend on stuff except for food. well, i bought Kanye West's Late Registration and some magazines. this is Kanye's second album, a follow-up from his debut, "The College Dropout". and the first one rocked! woooot! he's a real soulful dude! what a talent.

hmmm... i'm going to watch The Godfather. i must go get the trilogy boxed collection.

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." - Don Vito Corleone

karaoke...

2005-09-29T03:05:00.000+08:00

yeah yeah... i know the backstreet boys are gay. but this song sort of sums up what i feel at the moment. maybe not the whole song, just part of it. the chorus, maybe. heck, maybe i should i rewrite the whole song. hahahaha...

Just Want You To Know - Backstreet Boys

Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night
Wrapped around your finger
Always in my mind
The days they went cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I’ll make it through, and then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know

All the doors are closing
I’m trying to move my head
And deep inside I wish it was me instead
My dreams are empty from the day
The day you slipped away

And I just want you to know that I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I’ll make it through, and then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
I know I can’t fake it, there’s no one else

I just want you to know that I’ve been fighting to let you go
Some days I’ll make it through, and then there’s nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there’s a day you’ll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again, just want you to know

migrane...

2005-09-28T19:11:00.000+08:00

woke up with a splitting headache this morning. dragged myself down to the kitchen and took 2 panadols. couldn't even walk straight. manage to drag my ass back up to my room. made a quick call to the office to explain the situation and told the clerk that i'll clock in after lunch. then i switched my phone to silent mode and passed out soon after.

when i woke up again at 1, there would've been like 28 miss calls. gawdamn. this is why i don't take day offs. if i leave work for a day, i'll have to come back the next day full of 2 day's job. not a very good idea. sigh... well, at least it's keeping me occupied. clocked in at 1:38 p.m. things started to pour in. my phone never stop ringing. jobs to follow up. items to be sent out. finished products to be delivered. quotations to be typed out and faxed. clients to see. no time for my brain to register anything.

at least i got most of my things done. am back home now for a breather. a quick 2 hours rest and then i'm off to work again. sometimes the client insists on the impossible. but as an manufacturing/servising industry, we do what we can.

found an interesting site for all photoshop and anime addicts out there. some of them are erally good. some of them are freaky as hell. oi looney, maybe you could do something like that! hahahaha...

bammm...

2005-09-26T02:13:00.000+08:00

went to get my earlobes stretched today. couldn't fit in the 14mm pyrex plugs. DAMN. was so looking forward to it. walter said i can't stretch that much at a go. so he popped in my old wooden plugs. 10mm/12mm flares. man, that guy is GOOD! and he was so gentle. didn't hurt one bit. wait till mom sees it tomorrow morning. HAHAHAHA... so i might go back there in a month to stretch it even further to 12mm/14mm flares. and a month after that, it'll be my 14mm pyrex plugs. WOOO HOOOOO... can't wait, can't wait. went to watch the myth with ann earlier. it's was so so. just another jackie chan movie. cute korean actress. nice to look at. and hot indian actress with HUGE KNOCKERS! even more nicer to look at! hahahaha... then we went to ming tien to meet her friend, may. had a few beers there. and now i'm having trouble typing. hahahaha...

spoke to her online the other day over MSN. just casual talks, nothing more. "how's work?!" "how's things?" normal stuff. and she was saying that it's going to be hectic and stuff, with her upcoming papers in october and a new posting with an insurance company. i adviced her that she should start studying now, manage her time properly. just a friendly advice, nothing more. she shrugged it off and replied "oh by the way, you're rude. you have no rights to tell me what to do with my life." i'm like "what the fuck?!?!" it's just a friendly advice. was it wrong to even give a suggestion?! i apologised. maybe she's right. i don't have any rights to say anything about her. i don't know. sigh...

at times i feel like giving up. i brought it all upon myself. she's totally given up and she won't make anymore effort. it's all up to me. but with her cold shoulders, what can i do?! should i even pursue it?! i'm at lost. but the thought of throwing it all away, those memories and shit, i can't bare it. i miss it all now. i miss the holding hands, smelling her hair, complaining about her weird habits, the soft touches, everything. even when i hated it when she pinched my blackheads, I MISS IT NOW! sigh...

curiosities from japan's adult shop

2005-09-24T04:19:00.000+08:00

man, you really, really,really got to check this out. those japanese really can come up with all sorts of weird shit to satisfy their bizarre, perverted minds. but it's hilarious nonetheless, includes a story about a plastic can vagina. seriously, i must make Japan a must-visit-before-i-die holiday destination.

and hey, did u guys read about the dude that's paying his way through university by selling pixels on his website. aptly named www.themilliondollarhomepage.com, the one million pixels are being sold in a 10 x 10 sections for $1 per pixel. Purchasers can then use the space to display an ad or logo which is linked to their own site. and he's already sold 116,800 pixels thus far, which meant he's already made $116,800!!!

and check out some really hot girls at the most beautiful CG girls competition #2. right, they're not real. but who cares?! they're really good to look at. check out malaysia's steven stahlberg's psycho girlfriend on #5!!! there's also another malaysian, chan yin hol. his ayahi monster is at #15. MALAYSIA BOLEH!!! woot woot...

phink abourit...

2005-09-21T21:58:00.000+08:00

"Loving and having the companionship of someone are two different things. Having the companionship of someone is hard work because it demands both persons to enter into a battle of incompatibilities. However love on the other hand is free." - Yimun

she left this on my friendster testimonial, and it's still awaiting my approval. why haven't i approved it? because i don't know what it means. and i'm still pondering over it. i keyed it into my phone and brought it out right after i saw it. met up with ann and i showed it to her. "what's she trying to say huh?!" i asked. she looked equally stumped. "wah, that girl's deep." "yep. she's grown up alrite. but do you know what it means?" "no idea." "oh well, best to hear it straight from the horse's mouth right?" so yeah, maybe i should call and ask her.

hmmm... "having the companionship of someone is hard work because it demands both persons to enter into a battle of incompatibilities." is it?! i always thought that all you need for companionships is understandings and compromise, plus a pinch of humour. guess i was wrong. but yeah, i thought it's more of a give and take situation. of course there's bound to be incompatibilities. that's the fun part where you learn about that other person, understanding why he's that different (or incompatible) and maybe try to accept him as he is! but then again, if really really really really not compatible, better to let it go, i guess. sigh... still not that sure of what she meant. better call her, better call her.

i've been worried about the idea of closing her out of my life completely, or vice versa. well, not completely, but as in stop having conversations. it's usually at times like these (when we're not together, or when we're on our short break-up periods) that we talk more openly about stuff. i guess we really have that much to hide about each other. hmmm... i miss talking to her.

spiderman, spiderman...

2005-09-20T18:18:00.000+08:00

keong suddenly asked me today if i'm interested in getting myself a tarantula because his friend just got a couple. and after viewing a few sites on these beautiful and amazing creatures, i'm hooked. sort of. so far i've got my eyes on aphonopelma seemani, nhandu chromatus, psalmopoeus irminia and avicularia minatrix. am liasing with keong's friend, justin, to see if there's stock on these eight legged freaks. we'll see how it goes...

gawdamnit...

2005-09-20T16:08:00.000+08:00

had brunch with ho and gig on sunday before i had to rush off to work. nothing interesting. but gig mentioned that our friend from high school days, yao chin, who's working as an auditor for one of the big fours, KPMG, is being detained in Indonesia because of some permit or visa issues. and he's been detained there for over a month! poor guy's being held in a police detention centre where they house hardcore criminals! his dad and sister is currently over there, trying to resolve the issue. poor guy. we used to play futsal together every now and then. that's until i stopped completely (due to work commitments, i don't have as much free time as i would like to have). as of now, the government is sending an envoy to negotiate the release of yao chin and his colleague on bail.

hope everything gets resolve quickly so he can come home. read more here.

a second attempt

2005-09-17T04:06:00.000+08:00

no...i can't get it out of my head. better get it done with while it's still fresh in my head. hahahaha...

as i was saying, i finally spoke to yimun. it was a relieve, actually. because i thought that it would be weird. i actually asked her when i saw her online if it would be weird if we're still talking. maybe because i felt it was weird. she was cool all along. i'm one of those guys that think that couples will have a hard time talking to each other after they've broken up. but i guess i was wrong. it's good to hear from her voice again. made some small talks. no awkward silences like i thought it would be. then i blurted "i miss you". "what is it you missed?" she asked. what is it i missed? "i miss talking to you, calling you, miss looking forward to seeing you, miss holding you, miss your scent," i thought to myself. of course i didn't say it out loud. hahahaha... "is it the companionship?" she asked. maybe, i guess. "but this sort of companionship can be gained else where." she's right. but it's not the same. it'll never be the same. sigh...

we both agreed that we made a mistake by jumping into a relationship so soon. not that we needed a long courtship (she always argue that she was the one courting me, but that is only partly true!!!) we went straight into a long distance relationship right after we became an item. BAD MOVE! four and a half years ago, we got together. she was studying in perth at that time. but she's not away away, mind you. she was back here on holidays. and we've met each other quite often when she was here. and everything else seemed so perfect at that time. like it's meant to be. i still remember the first time we held hands like it was yesterday. hahahaha... care free and simple, nothing else mattered then. but then she has to leave for perth again and good byes were hard. oh shit, i don't think she even knows about this. at that time i was working for my dad, as a chauffeur, driving him around town and running errands. then came the day she had to leave but i couldn't send her off, so we said our goodbyes on the phone instead. man, i cried like a bitch! and when dad came back to the car, i had to coverline. hahahahaha... sigh... those were the days. when our love was true. or was it?!

see, even though we've been together for four and a half years, we've only seen each other for two years, two and a half years - MAX! being in a long distance relationship ain't easy. sure, we've got communications. but it isn't quite enough. phone calls were aplenty during the first few weeks she was gone. after awhile it became irregular after we've settled into our own lives. we chatted online quite frequently, exchanging emails every other day. we've even wrote each other love letters (snail mail) too, but i guess when the other person isn't around you, you'll always feel lonely, empty. like something's missing. nothing can beat the gentle touch of your loved one.

together we planned our future. simple life, small family, couple of kids, a dog, nice house. but i guess that's not what we wanted actually. i know for sure that's not what she wanted. it's not that we were lying from each other. but i guess at that moment when you're so into each other, so in love, you wanted nothing more than just being together with that person, no matter what. maybe it's a good thing after all now that we're apart. it'll give us a better idea of who we are, who we want to be. setting goals for ourselves, the life we want to lead. maybe it's better this way, just being friends for the time being. perhaps now, we've less things to hide from each other. maybe this is our getting-to-know-you phase. a little late, but it's worth a try. she even said that maybe after we really got to know each other better, we might not like each other very much! hahahaha...she's right, you know. you wouldn't know what might happen at the end of the day.

these few weeks have been hell for the both of us, but we agreed that we've learnt a thing or two from it. she thinks (and i agree) that she's grown more mature since we broke up. she said she's learnt how to handle things a little better, seeing things from different perspective. can't say much about myself though. i think i've got more to catch up. (goddamnit , i had a good arguement here in the earlier post but it's wiped out of my mind)

after an hour on the phone, we finally said our good nights. no more i-love-yous. guess it'll be like that from now on. i don't think we will be talking that much, cause she said she wouldn't want to lead me on. it's for the better, i guess. yeah... it's for the better. perhaps, after we've come to terms with ourselves and each other, we might learn to love each other even more. a fresh start. but of course this not going to happen anytime soon. things like that takes time. we'll just see. like what she said, LEAVE IT TO FATE.

oh, did i mentioned i called walter of borneo inks? might go around hartamas tomorrow evening to pop the new plugs in. 14mm double flare pyrex plugs! woot woot! hahahaha...but that's another story for another day...

it's for the better...

2005-09-17T02:32:00.000+08:00

i just lost a fucking long post and can't be fucked typing it all out again. but below is a breakdown of it's content.

1) i finally called yimun. thought it would be weird, but it wasn't. just on my part i guess.

2) told her i miss her. and she shot back a question at me "what is it you missed?" companionship, seeing her, calling her, holding her, etc etc etc...

3) talked about how things are going to be. what we should do, focus on our lives and goals.

4) agreed on our mistake for starting too soon. long distance relationship ain't that great when you're just starting a relationship because :-
a) you missed out on the getting-to-know-each-other part
b) ...

man, this is stupid, how can i sum up what we talked about in an hour into point forms?! fuck it... i'm going to bed. i'll post a new entry when i have enough time to remember what i wrote earlier. DAMN...

have u wonder?

2005-09-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

mom woke me up this morning with a shriek when she saw the new plugs seng bought for me. "haiyoooooo...i told u to take them off, u go and buy a bigger one...yada yada yada yada..." no fuck. i'm still getting it done. just need to find a proper piercer now. ann suggested walter of borneo inks. will get his number off her tomorrow. can't wait, can't wait.

on another note, met tim and gavin for coffee after work. tim came up with a funny question. you can always count on tim to come up with weird shits like that.

tim: hey, say you're in your room at night, about to sleep. then this bright light shines onto you and a voice booms "BEHOLD THERE. I AM GOD!" would you believe him? or is he the Devil? because we all know the Devil is the King of Lies. it could actually be the Devil trying to con you.

gavin: who the fuck comes up with questions like that? hahaha...

boon: *ponders for a while* hmmm... yeah, how can you tell whether it's God or the Devil?

tim: exactly! the Devil can do almost everthing God can do. what is it that differentiates them?

boon: well, there must be something the Devil can't do that God can.

tim: yeah, but what is it?

gavin: hahahahaha...

boon: well, God gives life and the Devil takes lives. that's one thing.

tim: true. you're right.

gavin: hahahaha...

tim: but what is it, at that moment in your room, that makes you say whether it's the Devil or God? you can't well expect God to give life there and then.

boon: but if it's the Devil, he can take your life. hahaha... i don't know man. there must be something.

gavin: hahahahaha...

tim & boon: oi, can you stop laughing?

after that we moved on to another subject and totally forgot about the whole God/Devil thing. but yeah, that's a whole load of other crap. hahaha...

do you believe in destiny?

2005-09-12T18:29:00.000+08:00

we spoke again online last night. was still hesitant to message her. but she messaged me first, saying she was sorry she left suddenly earlier. she don't even know whether we chatted earlier in the day or was it last night. oh well, doesn't matter. i apologised to her again, for what i've done. she said i should stop apologising, that we should both move on. i asked her if she was still mad at me and if i was forgiven. she said 'yes, no point pondering over something for so long'. 'so that makes us...?!?!' i asked.

"SORRY"

'sorry?!'

"yeah, sorry... sorry for what you did, and sorry i did not give you a chance."

so should i still be holding on to it?! or should i let it go?! "you can't progress if you hold on. let it go. if it's fated, then it's fated," she said.

and after that, everything else seems awkward. there's nothing else for us to say. as if two strangers halt in the middle of a conversation, followed by an awkward silence.

fate. what is fate? to me, fate is when you build a bridge of 'chances' for the other person. what is fate if you do not give the other person a chance? what is fate if you closed the other person out of your so-called life path? how are you suppose to be 'fated' to be together?

what is fate?

what's going on?!

2005-09-11T19:12:00.000+08:00

she came online a while ago. i was hesitant to message her. took me a while to say hie. not sure of her reaction, or whether she will still continue ignoring me. but then she replied. i apolosised again, still feeling the guilt of what i've done. she asked me to stop apologising, that she wants to put the past behind her. what does that mean?! put what past?! which past?! the one full of happiness and wonderful memories?! or the one where i fucked it all up?!

i said fine and we continued talking casually. it's weird, u know. now she calls me by my name. no more 'bee'. this is something i've got to get used to. so we talked about work. i think i did more of the talking. and she just typed in a few short remarks. then she left. just like that. no goodbyes. no nothing.

has she moved on?! or am i still holding on to something that's already dead?!

maybe it's too soon to tell...

a gift from down under...

2005-09-11T13:54:00.000+08:00

finally got my new 12mm pyrex plugs from seng. god, that thing is huge. there's no way i'm slipping it into my hole. think i gotta go see a piercer to get my holes stretch. it's 4mm bigger than my current one. shit. i seem to be buying things that do not fit recently. a couple of months ago i bought 2 shirts that i thought fitted but had to give it away because when i put it on when i was going to work, it wouldn't fit. muthafucka! now where can i find a piercer that does stretching as well?! man, i remembered when mustafa stretched my hole up 4mm at once, it hurt like a bitch. (okay, all this sounds too much like i'm a fucking fag favouring s&m) or maybe i should get myself a taper and stretch it myself.

no wait...i just measured the damn thing. IT'S FUCKING 14mm!!! god damn. how am i ever gonna pop it in?! i'm most definately going to stretch it step by step now. or maybe it's better to move up straight. gawdamnit. going to start looking for a piercer soon. ho ho ho...

and lately i've been looking into getting myself inked. i've always wanted one. ideas come and go tho. fickle-minded! hahaha... too many different ideas, too many different body parts, so little money. did i mention the 2 things that's stopping me from getting ink is 1) money and 2) the fact that my dad will disown me. hahahaha... maybe if i do it on my buttcheeks...hmmm...hahahaha... and when i mentioned the idea to melwin, he was saying if it's to ease the pressure and stuff, then by all means, go ahead. hahaha what supportive friends i have.

shit, the thought of stretching my lobes further is too tempting. any idea who i should go to?! i only know of the borneo brothers. wonder how much they charge. i wonder if healing is faster here in our hot and humid weather. hmmm... no fuck care, i'm going to do it i'm going to do it i'm going to do it... wooot woooot...

hmmmm maybe i should go out. go catch a movie or something. it's been a while since i last saw a movie by myself. but i doubt there'll be any tickets during the weekends. hmmm...there's no one to call, no one to hang out with, nothing much to do. i hate weekends. and i shocked myself for waking up at 9am, on the dot!!! arghhhhh i should hit the mall. see ya.

slow sunday...

2005-09-11T11:37:00.000+08:00

another slow weekend. did nothing much except work. yes, i work on weekends. not every weekends but most, when there's a need to. yesterday mark the official launch of one of my client's project. so there are bound to have some last minute shit to cover. did i mention i screwed up one of the jobs. locked in an order of different amount. i was waaaaay out of target. 499,500 out of target to be exact. sigh... RM20k down the drain. i really got to be more focused and tedious when handling such a big job. REMINDER TO SELF: ALWAYS TRIPLE CHECK! damn.

besides work, everything else is slow. still haven't manage to round up enough balls to call her. she'll most probably reject my calls. should i just call anyways? friends' been very supportive. especially ho. he's like a hero to me. that guy's been through shit much more complicated and worse than me. really look up to that dude. was just having brunch an hour ago. the one and only childhood friend that i really hold close to my heart (alrite, sounding gay). i should heed his advice and start concentrating on other things better than wallowing in my guilt. i still have my work, my family, my friends. but she's been a big part of my life (or maybe not). but she's been through thick and thin with me. she's put up with most of my shits, which she might think it's nothing. sigh...

"what's done is done", says ho. "pick yourself up, move on. she might already have moved on". he might be right. so i think i should just lay it to rest from now. concentrate on more important stuff, like work. i really should set myself some goals in life. the thing is i never had a proper one, a fixed one. fickle-minded?! or i want too many things at once, i don't know for sure what should it be. but i think now 'work' and 'family business' should be playing in my mind 24/7. the elders don't have too long till they retire, so i guess i have only that much time to learn the trades of our business. it's not i'm not enjoying work. it's not i'm not liking what i do. but i just don't strive to do more. ho says i need more motivation, a goal i set for myself to see to. i need a life coach!!!

. . .

2005-09-09T12:19:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking. is cheating sexually any more worse than cheating emotionally?! or vice versa. cheating sexually as in sleeping around/going to hookers/no strings attached and cheating emotionally as in having an affair/practising polygamy/emotions involved. is there a different level of seriousness in these 2 different kind of cheating. or is cheating cheating, period?!

what were you thinking?

2005-09-07T19:32:00.000+08:00

i've commited the worst crime u can ever commit in a relationship. INFIDELITY. now, why am i advertising my shameful act?! mainly because of my guilt. that's probably why i told her in the first place. but i promise i will not go down that same path again. god, how could i?! hurting someone you love so much...how could anyone possibly do that?! how could it possibly got into my head?!?! tim said it must be the drugs. u see, we were actually under the influence. ON A FUCKING THURSDAY EVENING!!! it has been a damn fucking stressful day for all of us. so after clocking out at 7pm, we thought we might as well pop an erimn, just to wind down. BAD CALL, BOON!!! COULDN'T YOU HAVE WAITED TILL THE WEEKEND?!?! IT'S FUCKING THURSDAY!!! FRIDAY IS JUST 5 HOURS AWAY!!! perhaps i should lay off those stuff for a while. sheeshhhhh...

2005-09-06T03:19:00.000+08:00

The End

It’s finally over. After a month of confusion plus six days of silence, I finally found out. It’s over. She’s hated me since the incident. The part I left out because I was too ashamed to tell. The part all guys will lie about it. I almost did too. Until she asked if there was anything else I was hiding from her when we were going through rough waters. And so I told her. The truth. The very truth that killed our relationship. Actually, it wasn’t the truth that killed our relationship. It was my EGO. My pride (I think, or at least I think it is right now). What I like to be looked upon by my friends. How cool I am. How happening. How foolish. How stupid. How pitiful.

All this while, I’m preaching about how loyal and faithful I am, but in the end, when it all comes down to ‘saving face’, I’ll throw my principles away. That’s how low I’ll stoop. I’m a fucking low life maggot.

I’m still in shock. Stunned by what happened. I do not know what to feel, how to feel. I should be sad, but I don’t feel sad (maybe because I know that I’m at fault here). I suppose I should be angry at myself, but I do not feel any of it. Numb. Just like when she first asked for a breakup about a month ago. Maybe it’s because I’ve already half expected it. That something like that (what I did) won’t be forgiven or forgotten so easily. It’s not something I would’ve forgive and forget either. So I guess I’ve only myself to blame. For not being strong-willed enough to say no. For not being strong enough for the both of us.

She’s questioned me before. “Why did you do it?” I didn’t have a straight answer then. “Because my friends said to…” “Oh?! So you didn’t have an opinion or choice then?!” “I did…” “Then why didn’t you backed out?!” “I don’t know…” “And you told me you couldn’t do it…Why did you stay till the end?!” “I don’t know…” “What did you know?!” “I know I made a mistake…I’m sorry, Chong Yi Mun…”

2005-09-04T03:14:00.000+08:00

or is it?!?!

i'm starting to think this is more than just her normal PMS. saw her online this afternoon. had a brief conversation about the annual dinner she attended last night. it ended rather abruptly too.

called her around 1:30am after i came back from mamak with the guys. she said she was at the cyber cafe, playing game. 3 seconds, no longer, our phone call. smsed her at 3am to see if she's still out. 'on the way home' was her reply. 'call me when u get back?!' i texted.

"NOT TODAY"

that's new. i call her straight after. 'what's going on?!" i asked. 'nothing', she said, 'i just don't feel like talking'. 'don't feel like talking, and seeing me?!' 'yeah...'

i feel like i'm hanging on a hangman's noose. and she's a stone's throw away. i could barely see what she's doing. and she isn't really bothered by the fact that i'm there, hanging. slowly dying or waiting for renewal hope. what am i to do?

2005-09-03T02:04:00.000+08:00

ahhh...no wonder...now i know...

finickyfeline explains it...

three little alphabets...

BIG MEANINGS!

so i shall steer clear for a while...

anyways, quiet weekend. staying in because i've got an appointment in the morning with a client. a 9 o'clock meeting on a Saturday morning! who has meetings so early on a weekend?! usually i wake up by 10am on a Saturday. have my bak kut teh. get into the office by 11-ish. shite...can't exactly say no to the client. and i've got a some paperwork to finish up tomorrow as well.

quiet weekend it is...

2005-08-31T23:50:00.000+08:00

i feel a tension in the air around me. something's going on between us. maybe i'm just too sensitive. either way it's been bugging me the whole day. i'm not too sure what i did wrong. or what i did not do. and she isn't giving me any answers either. maybe back tracking it would help. hmmm... where shall i start?

it was merdeka eve yesterday. today's the day our nation celebrate our independance for the 48th time. so naturally it would make last night another reason to get drunk and what-nots because it's a public holiday today. all this while i thought that we would spend the night together. but she thought i was going to the freedom48 rave, featuring hard kandy's scott alert. maybe because i did mention about the rave earlier, but have decided to drop it and forgot to tell her. she made plans with her friends to go somewhere. later i found out it was some barbeque party at her friend's place and later on to some club. she didn't say where. that was about 9pm, when she was going out. i told her i didn't have any plans. probably just to see the guys. and she suggested that i find some other friends. wasn't in the mood. earlier that day, ann did ask me what my plan was. and i told her i was going to see her, but she had other plans. ann insisted that i ask her if i could tag along. but i knew if she wanted me to go along, she would've ask me to, like how she always did. but no, there wasn't any invitation. first disappointment. so i finish up my work early, went back home, hid in my own four walls, and slept till the sun went down. still no calls from her. bahhh... anyways, back to where it was, after suggesting other plans for me, we said our goodbyes. she then went to suggest that we see other the next day. but i told her i had work to do. "maybe later in the day?!" she asked. sure, why not. i miss u badly.

and so it goes, celebrating our nations 'birthday' on our own. she went to wherever she said she was going. i ended up having dinner with ann and ho at some hawker stall. gig and esther joined us later. after that we went to a nearby snooker centre. god, the cigarette smell that reeks in there. how we missed it. hahahaha... we used to go there all the time when we were in college. just to kill time. played few frames. maureen dropped by for a while, just to pick ho up, i think. ann went with them. khang came by for a while. had to leave for some reasons we don't know. left quite abruptly too. threw the que to gig and said he had to make a phone call downstairs. minutes later he called and said he had to leave. and so in the end, only gig, esther and i were left. soon after, we left too. i came back, went online, surfing some shit, pour myself a mug of kahlua-milk and waste my time away. i think i passed out close to 5 am. why didn't i have called her to check on her?!

woke up in the afternoon (there goes "i've got work to do in the morning"). couldn't be bothered about work. lazed around in the room the whole day. still haven't pick up the phone to call her. why didn't i call her?! went online and i saw her. asked her what time should i go meet her. she said she was going out soon to meet jean. maybe later. fine. so i went back to bumming in my room. wasting more time (i swear i could've finish half of my pile of paper work by now!!) then at about 6pm, i called her again. no answer. 1 minute later she called me back. with a groggy voice, she said she just woke up from a nap, and is going to see jean now. i was speechless. oh well, maybe she partied to much last night and needed more rest. cool.

i was getting restless, so i messaged melwin on msn and ask if he wants to go out. we were going to see the rest of them at this coffee house in bandar bukit tinggi. halfway through the door, mum said we're going for dinner soon and suggested we go have a look at the new house. called mel up and canceled the plan. sorry mel!

the new house is completed. mum got the keys just few days ago. it's a new housing area. and ours is situated directly opposite a childrens playground. and behind the playground is a forest (because it's not being developed yet). and there were MONKEYS all over the playground!! it's like a zoo!!! shite... anyways, we were still thinking about moving to the new place. southern park holds so much fond memories for us. i'd prefer us to stay in the old place. maybe sell the new place and renovate the old one?! sigh... don't know what's going to happen.

picked dad up from a restaurant he was at with his friends having coffee. had simple dinner. hawker stall food near my workplace. nasi lemak and fried chicken. came back home pretty stuffed. called her again, but there was no answer. tried a few times. still no one pick up. mind starts to race. what's going on?! maybe i'm being sensitive again. cool down, chill out. then i smsed her saying 'guess i won't be seeing you tonight. am i even seeing you this weekend?!". still no reply.

i was getting really restless by 10:30pm. so i took the car out, went to fill up the petrol, thought maybe i should go for a spin, just to clear my mind. then she smsed me back. "one week don't see also cannot one is it?! last time can, now cannot?!" woahhhh my mind went besserk. after paying the cashier, i set my mind on going up to subang. while driving, i keep thinking about her sms. what did she mean by that?! it's alrite. we'll clear things up when i see her. so am i seeing her now?! is this what i should do?! god, i'm not sure. maybe i'll just drive by her house, just to see if she's in, just to see if her car is there.

and so i did. drove by her house 3 times. then i think to myself, this is stupid, driving outside her house and not call her at all. so did i call her?! nope. WHY?! i don't know. but i smsed her "would it be stupid to be driving outside your house and not call u?! or would it make things worst?! i miss u so badly... i just need to see u..." she replied "what's wrong la? can't you just tell me here?" now what is that suppose to mean?! hmmmm...the human male mind does not absorb questions like these. and as i drive by her house the 4th time, i smsed her again "i just want to see u. will u come outside?" her reply was short and simple "no, going to sleep soon" second disappointment! and so i drove back, defeated.

so what is really goin on?! what did i missed?! i'm still thinking about it. the whole episode replays in my mind, over and over and over again. we shall find out what really happen tomorrow. or the day after. or the day after. or the day after. when i've pluck up enough courage to call her again. u see, i'm not a man who is very good at dealing with issues of this sort. she can be the testimony of it. why even after 4 long years together, do i still have this problem of facing certain issues in our relationship?! i do not have the answer.

maybe i need help. can somebody help me?

2005-08-25T02:03:00.000+08:00

hahaha...hello again. haven't been posting lately. been busy with work, work and more work, among other things. it's been a hectic week, man. crazy. and i was complaining the week before to yimun about how quiet it is during the first 3 days of the week and shit starts to pile up on thursdays and fridays. gawdamnit, now it keeps coming in non-stop. no, no, i shouldn't be complaining. busy is good. busy is productive. busy brings in the moolah. wooo hoooo... got my cheque today for commission for the month of july. was quite shocked by the amount. highest yet, so far since i started work a year ago. quite proud of it. boon, u deserve a pat on the back! hahaha...

oh yea, was at Recharge, Salem's R3velation last weekend over at Port Dickson.it was awesome. although we were kinda late. party actually started at 5pm, but due to the fact that me and alan work saturdays, we had to miss out the earlier sets, including Bass Agent's. damnit. oh well, will be rocking with them again later this week. so yeah, am too lazy to write a review (i'm not good at writing reviews, yimun says i'm easily pleased therefore everything seems 'okay' or 'good' to me). will try to find a good write-up on it to link later. hahaha...in the mean time, check out DJ Mag's write up before the said event.

got this in my mailbox today. fucken hilarious. caught with the pants down, literally. which reminds me of a similar inccident that happened a few years ago. wahahahahaha...

nite, y'all...

(ps: check out Alphazone's Flashback. i'm hooked!!)

2005-08-17T01:50:00.000+08:00

i'm only here to post this :-

Origin of the F-Word - taken from about.com's urban legends library

The word fuck did not originate as an acronym. It crept, fully formed, into the English language from Dutch or Low German around the 15th century (it's impossible to say precisely when because so little documentary evidence exists, probably due to the fact that the word was so taboo throughout its early history that people were afraid to write it down). The American Heritage Dictionary says its first known occurrence in English literature was in the satirical poem "Flen, Flyss" (c.1500), where it was not only disguised as a Latin word but encrypted — gxddbov — which has been deciphered as fuccant, pseudo-Latin for "they fuck."

According to Sheidlower, the earliest claims in print of supposed acronymic origins for the F-word appeared during the 1960s. An underground newspaper called the East Village Other published this version in 1967:

It's not commonly known that the word "fuck" originated as a medical diagnostic notation on the documests of soldiers in the British Imperial Army. When a soldier reported sick and was found to have V.D., the abbreviation F.U.C.K. was stamped on his documents. It was short for "Found Under Carnal Knowledge."

Two more variants appeared in a letter published in Playboy magazine in 1970:

My friend claims that the word fuck originated in the 15th Century, when a married couple needed permission from the king to procreate. Hence, "Fornication Under Consent of the King". I maintain that it's an acronym of a law term used in the 1500s that referred to rape as "Forced Unnatural Carnal Knowledge."

Undoubtedly the most famous use of this etymological travesty was as the title of the 1991 Van Halen album, "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge."

other variant include:

The word fuck comes from colonial times, when someone would be punished for 'prostitution' It was an acronym for the words "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge". FUCK was written on the stocks that held these criminals because "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" was too long to go on the stocks.

i think yimun told me about the "Fornication Under Consent of the King" thing before.

also manage to get this. i've always wondered what it means and how it came about :-

Fuck Spider - taken from http://www.talkingcock.com/'s coxford singlish dictionary

"Of uncertain origin, this term often connotes extreme frustration. The general consensus is that it originates from the Army (the source of many creative Singlishphrases), where a "spider" was dirt in the barrel of one's rifle. If during inspection, you found a "spider" in your rifle, you'd have to strip it and clean it all over again. Hence, "fuck spider" would either be a common expletive amongst recruits, or an exhortation by an annoyed inspecting officer/NCO. Some, however, believe it dates back to an old practice amongst boys to catch spiders in the undergrowth, house them in small boxes and make them fight."

so, do you know how to fuck a spider? my dad's ex-employee told me once that there is a way to actually fuck a spider. see, if u're on top, u'd squash the poor spider. and if the spider's on top, well, there's no point because u'll be to big for the spider. but there is ONE way to fuck a spider right. person who can tell me how it's done, gets to do it!

2005-08-14T04:14:00.001+08:00

woahhhhh...just got back from HARDSEQUENCE @ cream. awesome party set up by the bass agents and dark ravers, this event will be held every fortnightly. great music, good crowd (though they could do better with more), and not a bad venue too. the BA boys (didjital & xt-acid) did well, dropping thumping basslines and rhytimic melodies, bringing the crowd to a higher level of hardstyle. i'll be sure to be there every fortnight! hahaha... next up, salem's revelation @ admiral marina, port dickson. again, the BA boys will be there, opening the event. headlining salem's 3rd installation of Revelation will be johan gielen and dj scot project. johan's actually been to malaysia, playing at last year's revelation @ genting, whilst dj scot project will be making his debut here. and what a way to mark his name in the KL dance scene by headlining one of the year's biggest event. i've seen him in action when i was in melbourne. man, this guy is SIC! his sets are mindblowing! KL-ites are in for a big surprise. hahaha... man, i can't wait, i can't wait... woot woot...

by the way, drop by ganjaguru's site for a visit. he has got some new tunes posted and reviews on the latest events happening in melbourne. this guy's representing the BA boys in melbourne! how about that?

2005-08-10T01:37:00.000+08:00

hahaha...u guys should check this out...

http://www.wired.com/news/medtech/0,1286,68434,00.html

apparently, italy's po river is a great place to get some crack... hahahaha...

2005-08-10T00:00:00.000+08:00

haven't had the motivation to post anything for the past few days. giving myself a break, i guess.

anyways, just drop in to post this shit up. to all those oglers out there...feast ur eyes!!!

wahahahahaha...

http://www.milbestlight.com/swf/game/game1.swf

2005-08-04T02:28:00.000+08:00

We talked again on the phone tonight. She actually left me a message with a sad smiley emoticon on my msn messenger earlier this afternoon, while I was out of the office. Only saw it later when I got back to the office at 9. smsed her back asking if anything’s wrong and she replied that she wants to talk, so I told her I’ll call her when I get home.

It started out quite casually. talking about our day at work, what we did, where we went, what we saw, stuff like that. talked about a movie which she only knew the plot but not the title. I googled it and found "Return to Paradise”, a 1998 movie about a guy who’s convicted of drug trafficking in Malaysia and is on deathrow. Did a quick search on it on imdb.com and found out that it wasn’t shot in Malaysia at all. Hahaha… I will try to search for the dvd. I think the reason they didn’t shoot it here in Malaysia is because the Malaysian government didn’t allow it. Here’s a story about drug trafficking and the Malaysia justice system and drug law, which imposes a death penalty to whoever is caught with a minimum amount of drug (200 mg of cannabis, but the film changed it to 100mg), to which some people in other parts of the world think is unjust. And I read some parts of the court hearing that occurs in the film is inaccurate. Must try to find the dvd. Hahaha…

Anyways, talked a bit more about work. Till we came to an awkward silence. To which she asked where is all this heading. What are we really doing. I think she’s confused about where we stand now. We’re no longer a couple and we’re not just mere friends either. And she keeps questioning her rights as a “more-than-friends” friend, like things she can or cannot say, feelings she must or must not hide. I kept reassuring her that it’s okay for her to share all her thoughts with me. Communication is key to me. I think that was what we’re lack of. As I’ve mention on earlier posts, we kinda took each other for granted and talked less and less towards the end of our relationship. maybe it was our busy work schedule, but we shouldn’t have let that stop us from chatting on the phone for at least half an hour every other day. Things like that can make or break a relationship.

I really hope we can resolve this matter quick and get back together. But right now, for me, I’d rather have it this way and be more open about certain things and communicate more. She also raised the question of ‘what if this goes on for too long and we both got fed up with the whole idea. That there is a possibility of us not getting back together at all. And if we don’t, then this will all be a waste of time”’. By now she was already sniffling on the other side of the phone. I told her that, if we were to get back together, I’d rather deal with the whole thing now and live happily ever after later than to jump right into the whole circle and make the same mistake again. this isn’t the first time we’ve broken up based on such matters. it’s like history repeating itself and I wouldn’t want to let it happen ever again.

aw man, it's 2:30 am already. shite... been having trouble waking up these days. damn...

2005-08-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

hahaha…she actually forgot the address of my blog when I blurted it out last nite. Anyways, no phone calls tonite, but we did manage to chat online awhite ago. And she bugged me bout my blog. Which I was hesitant to give out at first. I told her it was a personal space for me to rant and ramble about what’s going on between us (I don’t wanna get myself into more trouble now, do I?) and some other random nonsense that’s in my head. she said something along the lines of hating me because I allow other people into my heart and soul (ahermz) and not her. So after assessing how bad it can turn out, I typed out the address in which she replied so rather quickly that she won’t read it and she respects my privacy. But somehow she said (typed) it in a way like she’s trying to pull a reverse psychology on me. maybe it’s not. I think it’s not. I know it’s not.

But conversations like that always get both of us fired up. Like what happened last Saturday when we were driving around in KL, not knowing of where to go. It was after Wild Zebra, this Chinese modern dance drama that is playing now in Istana Budaya. I’ll post a quick review on that later on, but anyways, we were driving towards Jalan Bukit Bintang, and I asked her where she wanna go. And she just “anywhere”. So I suggested Sungai Wang Plaza. Right after I finished, she said she would prefer KLCC. So I said “okay, let’s go to KLCC.” “nah, nevermind, don’t want to go there anymore, cause it wasn’t where u wanted to go,” was her reply. I was left dumbfounded. My exact thought at the moment was “look what’ve u done, boon!” hahahaha shite… then there was that awkward silence, like this barrier, this tense aura, between us.

sometimes I just don’t know how to read the signs well. My body language skills are quite pathetic. Hahaha… but Boon came back with a good idea (good to myself, at least, wasn’t so sure bout what she thought at the time, maybe I should ask her that) a singaporean friend was in town for the weekend and we’ve actually arrange to meet up the night before. But I bailed cause I was already out somewhere when she reached KL. So I thought it was a good idea to meet her then since we’re already in KL. trying to escape the weird moment, I suggested that we try calling her up and see what she’s up to. Coincidentally she was in Sungai Wang Plaza having coffee with 2 other friends.

So anyways, my point of this story was, lately in our relationship, simple things like that will get us ticked off. Not good at all. Anyways, back to our online conversation. Erm… she agreed to read it after abit of coaxing. She was even quite encouraging. So I invited her to share some thoughts, even to correct me if I’m wrong. (I tend to exagerate sometimes…hahahaha…come on, who doesn’t in their own blog…we’re the superstars in our own world, right??). but she declined, saying that it’s my turn to “talk” and her’s to “listen”. Maybe this is how I feel best to communicate. I’ve always been a quiet person when there’s a confrontation. She can be the judge of that. hahaha… we’ll see how it goes. I still insisted on some inputs on her part. She did raise up an issue of misintepreting our typed-out conversations. As in how different some words may mean when it’s spoken and when typed out or read out from the screen. Lots of miscommunications can happen there.

Well, it doesn’t bother me whether if she posts something here. It’s more of her reading it. I hope SHE doesn’t misintepret ME instead. Hahaha…oh well… am gonna call it a night soon. I’ve actually wanted to continue on our history bits earlier, but it’s getting too late. Shall continue later on when I have the time. Ho ho ho…

2005-08-02T02:34:00.000+08:00

Okay, actually I stopped halfway because I went out with a friend for dinner. Then another friend called for coffee and I went up to pj as well. Then she called halfway asking to talk, but I was out so I smsed her on the way back, then she called then I called back when I got home and we talked about how things are gonna be, how we’re suppose to face it, stuff like that. Okay, she did most of the talking. I’m more of a listener. She talked bout her work today, what was on her mind, what she thought about the whole deal. She asked about my day at work and I answered them briefly. We never did talk this much during the past few months. Maybe we took each other for granted for a while. Maybe now’s the time to catch up on the normal things friends only talk about. Maybe if we give it time.

Now she keeps reminding me that this friendship should not be focused on us getting back together, but to be closer and to know and understand each other better. Now I agree to what she said, but I was afraid that emotions might kick in and feelings will make things bad. How can two person of opposite sex have a platonic, totally mutual relationship and have not intimacy what so ever involved. It’s hard, I know, but if for the betterment of our relationship, platonic or not, I’d do it. To get to know her more, to know how she feels about things, to know her favorite cd that’s playing in her car stereo, to know when not to say a word etc etc etc… TO BE A FRIEND. We shall see how things go from here.

I shall continue our history some other time...nitez...

oh yea, i also mentioned about this lame ass blog of mine to her, so i guess i'll get some surprise visits from her as well...

2005-08-01T20:04:00.000+08:00

Here's a thought, i'm not quite sure i know who i am. ever felt this way? i've just split up with my girlfriend of 4 + years. that's a very long time, some of u might say. heck, it's the ONLY ONE TRUE relationship i had. u could say it's my first love (bah, call me old fashion, i believe in love at first sight, fate, stuff like that)...but the reason we're going our separate ways is not because of who we were, but of what we're becoming. we had a long talk before saying our last good byes. i know for sure i won't be seeing or talking to her anytime soon, the thought of being next to her without holding her saddens me. i'm not sure of what to feel at this very moment. my body (and heart) sort of numbed. my stomach churns and my head light. (okay, not exactly numb numb, just not sure which emotion is taking over which)

so here i am, trying to figure the whole thing out. the things she said keeps replaying in my mind. we're both to be blamed for this breaking up. we sort of grew out of each other's life (according to her, which i think its partly true). maybe because we've been to busy with work, we haven't really have any time for each other. god knows, i try my best to see her every other day, even for a few minute, but sometimes our hectic schedule disallows that. i don't know anymore. so maybe i shall write out our history briefly (i'll try) so i can absorb and try to pick up the little memories i had of our relationship.

i first met her on the online, via mIRC on our local server, 8 years ago. gawd, it's been that long. i don't remember how it started exactly, who initiated the first line, the very famous "a/s/l". i remember we didn't have much to talk about during the first few months of our online friendship. maybe she found me boring. i was a nobody from a public school, and she, a popular girl in a private school. somehow we managed to keep each other entertained enough past half a year (i think) till we exchanged phone numbers and started chatting over the phone. now, i don't quite remember this part either. shit. this isn't going as well as i've planned.

maybe i should skip to where i remember. first time i met her, in a shopping mall near her place. she looked so sweet in her floral babydoll dress. i was kinda shy so i brought some friends along. (I WAS!!! right, mike?!?! ask mike, he was there with me...) then we (we as in she, my friends and i, not me and her alone) just chilled out in the shopping mall. till about midnite!!! we almost missed our bus home (yes, this was when we didn't have our driver's license. anyways, we managed to get back...) after that, everything was a blur, we were just online friends, chatting on the phone occasionally. she was in and out of relationships, then she found God, started going to churches very often, met another boy there. hmmm...oh yea, i remember somewhere in between, we met up a few more times. once i borrowed her a modem cause her's got strucked by lightning, and she wouldn't return it. oh well...maybe it meant something then. hahaha... anyways after that, we sorta lost touch. not too sure why, maybe it was something i said or do. or maybe she just lost interested. maybe i didn't do anything about it. i dunno.

anyways, fast forward...to when i was in college. bumped into her at a shopping mall, she was in a hurry, so we just exchange hellos. then she said something about leaving to study overseas and she asked for my address so she can write me. (who does that anymore?!?! snail mail rocks)...yea...anyways, hahahaha rocks my ass...i only got her mail after god-knows-how-long...hahaha... i still have it in the box of other shite she gave me...the letters we wrote each other while she was in her boarding house, i think this was when we started getting close, thought we knew each other...anyways, our relationship happen when she came back for her holidays and i was working part time for this sound and light system company. i work odd hours but we manage to spend some time together (again, with some other friends). it's at the courting stage, where u weren't sure if the other person likes you or not. when u weren't sure if she notices the little things u do. hahaha...then we held hands, as a confirmation of our relationship.

So it begins, we became an item during the Chinese New Year period of year 2000 (we don’t really care when the exact date was, how very convenient, rite?!?!). oh what wonderful time it was for the both of us. it’s as if nothing else matters. that is, until she have to leave for her studies again. but will we let distance separate us?! HELL NO!!! we wrote each other love letters, emails, and occasionally phone calls. if people could do it in the old days with just snail mail, of course we could deal with it much better with technological advancements. and we did quite well for ourselves. 2 years passed without any major problems. yea, of course u’ll have some minor hiccups as in any relationship, but we manage to pull thru. mostly it’s about my attitude towards studying. see, i was a very good student until I got to college. The problem was me being lazy. i always wanted the easy way out. Maybe this is one of the reasons why we split up.

I shall continue this later. Am going out for dinner. Haven’t had anything to eat except for some poh piahs during lunch with my longest and best friend, HWC. He’s such a pal. Such a simple guy with simple dreams. Sometimes I envy him. But hey, that’s another story. Ciaoz…

2005-07-27T01:38:00.000+08:00

this blog is closing. i couldn't be fuck posting. hahaha... good bye, fare well and fuck u very much.

2005-07-16T01:00:00.000+08:00

hangat hangat tahi ayam

hahaha...talk about discipline....damn...took me a while til i realize i haven't been posting...shite...oh well, here goes. a recap of my whole week, we shall begin from where i left off:-

friday 8/7/05: Afterglow presents BAXX!!! wicked party, albeit the authorities shutting it down a lil bit earlier than it was suppose to end. 1 hour to be precise. party started rather slow actually, crowd picking up slightly after 12. FORUM's pretty cool. high ceilings, spacious, altho i'd prefer a flat club. FORUM's rather clustered with sofa seatings and table all over the place. and there's steps everywhere. and not to forget that awful dance stage/ platform, smack right in da middle. it's like a freaking catwalk. damn. music's sick from da start, with avx churning out classic anthem. dj xile took to the turntables after avx. good progression, excellent selection. this is when the crowd starts to fill up the venue, shufflers taking up the stage. next up, dj learn, heineken thirst malaysia finalist. cdj god. fucking hardstyle all the way. not to forget his mad cd scratching skills. and lastly came the BA boys, xt-acid vs didjital. and they started off well. the crowd was loving it! and they hit it off straight. phat thumping bassline, heavenly rhythmic melodies. all for a record time of 34 minutes. nyamagechaufahaimoumou. at exactly 0216 GMT+8, Dewan Bandaraya Kuala Lumpur came in to stop the party. sigh. and just when the organising residents are about to bring it a notch higher, they had to pull the plug. fuck man, fuck! oh well, overall it was a great event. CONGRATULATIONS to my homeboys ken and ball. so when's the next event?!?!

saturday 9/7/05: had to work, so i clocked in at around 10 am. had a couple of errands to run, some paperwork to finish up, met a client to collect a job. boring stuff. the day passed by quite slowly. met yimun for dinner, then we went to Poppy/Passion. not too sure which is which. the place is nice, kinda classy, tho abit too crowded. why don't clubs here have a crowd control system? anyways it was a good nite out. met some old friends, some new friends. we were all kinda tipsy but it was all good. we got stuck in the club for a while cause it was raining quite heavily outside. was suppose to meet alan and kelvin over at zouk, but yeah, rain. sunday 10/7/05: slept thru the day, only waking up when the sun was going down. hahahaha... oh well... anyways, went out with yimun for dinner (breakfast) and picked up some stuff for her thing for her company dinner. they had to do a performance, so i helped out with their backdrop. ken and su en came by later. left around midnite, while they were still spraying the thing up. sorry bee! hahaha...

monday 11/7/05: monday sucks. i hate mondays. sigh... time seems to pass by even slower on mondays, don't u think?! mondays always seem to be so hectic. so how are u suppose to adjust to it after ur weekends?! fucken hell. ended my day with a game of futsal. passed out right after.

tuesday 12/7/05: tuesdays are slightly better than mondays. but it was still slow nonetheless. had a short meeting with the boss and the sales team. "sales ain't good. we're not meeting the sales target. we must work harder. try to get more new clients. try to cut down on our costs." the normal shit. havent been the most productive, me. sighhh... wednesday 13/7/05: mid-week... things seem to be picking up. managed to secure a couple of jobs. had a few meetings with clients. chances of getting the order is quite high. hahaha... i'm on a roll...

thurdays 14/7/05: wooooooo hooooooo... weekend's just around the corner. schedule for today's quite loose, so i paid a visit to my all workplace in mont kiara. i used to work in Jazzy Premiums when they were still in Phileo Damansara. they specialise to premium items and now they've also ventured into event organising. from Phileo to Plaza Mont Kiara, business must be good for them. hahaha... also met up with mike leong and aqmal for coffee at Plaza Damansara. then i'm off to another client's place at Sri Permaisuri. Scored another deal.

friday 15/7/05: hahahaha today's not too bad at all. woke up half an hour late tho. quite tight schedule. ran about town for abit. headed down to KL slightly after lunch. went back to the client from Sri Permaisuri to finalise some stuff. then i was free for the day. went over to alan's place. met him and kelvin, chill out abit in his office. alan's a friend i met while i was in melbourne. a great guy, but he's a typical CHINAMAN! hahahaha, u see, alan's a used car salesman. now i'm not stereotyping, but if u do know alan, u'll know what i'm talking about. hahahaha... later we went to pick up kelvin's new bug-eyed subaru impreza MY01 in sunway. he sent his car for repaint. nice. how'd i wish i could afford a car like that. the sound of a subie boxer engine, purring. mmmmm... after that, we went to Hakka Restaurant in KL. had our dinner at around 10. gawd damn. time flies by when u're just chilling. hahaha... we all went home straight after dinner. quiet friday nite for me! tim did call to ask us to go down to atmosphere. but NO! coz mr. boon has to work tomorrow. damn...

now as u can see... my weekdays are kinda boring. there's nothing much for me to post up. so u cant really blame me!! hahaha... alrite, i'll try to post more often... now that i've got one more extra person visiting this lame ass blog of mine!!! shit...hahahaha... well i'm gonna sign off now... tomorrow will be another slow weekend for me! unless something comes up... ho ho ho hooooo...

2005-07-08T10:35:00.000+08:00

wooooooooo hooooooooo hooooooooooo... it's friday, party people!!! therefore, i'm goin to take it slow at work today. no rushing things, no jamming up the day, no overloading my paperwork, no crazy schedule. and most importantly, NO IDIOTIC CLIENTS!!! cause nothing can ruin your day as long as u stay away from stupid people. and i will not even talk about them to spoil my day. wooooooo hoooooooo hoooooooo friday friday... hmmmmm... let's look at today itinerary:-

1) pot in office as long as i can...probably the whole morning...

2) lunch appointment with a client...i thinking penang curry fish head...mmmmm...

3) i've got a couple of meetings with clients lined up.

4) meeting a supplier to discuss on some jobs. then, i guess that wraps up all the work i need to do today.

5) might be meeting up a friend for "one of the best hokkien mee in klang valley" according to her. must check it out myself.

6) meet up with my other half, if she finishes early. she's been working late every night since tuesday. hope she gets off early tonight.

then to end the day...afterglow presents BAXX @ Forum, Hartamas...the Bass Agents will be churning out tunes after tunes of hard pumping bass with heavenly melodies... together with them will be DJ Xile of Groove Syndicate and Malaysia Heineken Thirst 2005 Finalist, DJ Learn. come support your local hard trance DJs. for more info check out http://www.bassagents.com

2005-07-08T01:23:00.000+08:00

just got back from futsal. it's so fucking HAZY. Malaysian air isn't clean anymore. maybe i should open up an AIR bar, where u actually serve customers tanks of clean O2s for those who wants to regenerate their lungs, and for those who wants to get high, we'll open up a side room where u can inhale NOS...hahahahaha...shiet...anyways, ain't got much to blog. so i guess i'll just put up this article (more like a speech) i received in my inbox the other day. quite an interesting read. very inspirational (for people like me who didn't graduate...we still can make it!!! hahaha...)

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

2005-07-07T12:44:00.000+08:00

i'm still having trouble trying to find the button or whatever to put a title on top of each one of my posts. how the fuck do u do it? kanineh. this sucks. my 16 year old sister has a way cooler blog than me. tho most of her posts are on teen idols, superstar rappers (she's currently in the JIN da MC phase) and who's being a bitch in school, it's filled with moving pictures, a selection of fonts in one same layout (a typographer's nightmare), background music, the whole circus. mine sucks. i knew i should've done multimedia design instead of graphic design. hahaha not that it will change anything, i'm not much of a designer myself. or maybe at least pick up some web-designing skills from some friends. sheessshhhhh...oh well fuck it. i have more important things to do besides setting up a stupid blog. gotta go trim my goatee...

magechaufahai... it seems that now i can't post up pictures as well. fucken hell.

now i've got time to trim my goatee... and shave my head!!!

2005-07-07T09:57:00.000+08:00

i just want to post a conversation i had with a friend on msn yesterday, when we had nothing else to do. it was almost six u see (we work till 6) so we had some spare time to just talk cock. seriously, it has more cock than colonel sanders can chew. anybody that had join us halfway wouldn't understand a single thing. thinking about it now still makes me laugh. that tim. he's one funny cunt. he's a junior of mine when we were in secondary school. never really talk then. heck i doubt he knew i existed. anyways, we became friends when i went to melbourne a couple of years ago (was suppose to further my studies, but it turned out to be one LONG holiday...we'll save that for later). so well, yea...below is part of our conversation...hahaha enjoyyyyy...

Phil McRoch : ei there's a CK jeans sales coming up...

Heywood Jablome : CibaiKia Jeans?!

Phil McRoch : no... it's Chow Kit Jeans

Heywood Jablome : oops... must have been buyin fake ones all this while... mine says calvin klien

Phil McRoch : confirm fake la....everyone knows it's ChowKit... they even haf a street named after ChowKit in da heart of KL

Heywood Jablome : no shit

Phil McRoch : i kid u not

Heywood Jablome : Jalan CK.. what next...CK underwear?....hahahaha
Heywood Jablome : who the hell would buy branded underwear

Phil McRoch : hahhhh i dunno man... like as if they will get a celebrity to endorse it..."wooooo kermit wears those..."

Heywood Jablome : imagine men wearing underwear with another mans name on it... would u wear underwear with my name on it?! or maybe Phil McRoch Intimates.

Phil McRoch : wat they gonna think of next?!?! put an animal on it?!?! imagine wearing "crocodile briefs"...

Heywood Jablome : hhahahahaa...... people nowadays....so materialistic....every piece of clothing has to have a brand on it.....
Heywood Jablome : next thing u know ..... they would have created movin pictures displayed in a box..available in every home...

Phil McRoch : wat?!?!.....as if gramophone isnt enuff to cause a racket?!?!

Heywood Jablome : ...ya man.. the devils tool... that gramaphone... scares me half to death what these young uns listen to these days..... Bach is the devil.. and that Beethoven that's just another name for beelzebub

Phil McRoch : and haf u seen dat mozart fella?!?!...he looks like da devil himself...with his crazy hair and all..... and how can beethoven make music when he's DEAF?!?!?! must be da devil in his head!!!

Heywood Jablome : He's the devil...... i reckon if u play his music backwards .. all ye'll get is somethin like " Im the fuckin devil dammit...fuck britney..." Heywood Jablome : be afraid.. be very afraid

Phil McRoch : they're brainwashing da minds of kids these days...

then it hits 6pm. your brain automatically shuts down every system that has anything to do with work, u don't need a fuckin watch to tell u that!!! this is also when our conversation turns from plain rubbish to verbal abuses. see, when it reaches 6, one part of your brain shuts down but it triggers the startup of another, THE DARK SIDE!!! huahuahuahuahua...

Heywood Jablome : haha..... lak tiam liao... chao lo........pang kang!!! woohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... transform.........chechooochochochehche

Phil McRoch : autobots...roll out... oh i read outpostnine.com... he wrote about transformers...quite a good read...

Heywood Jablome : any pics of ME FUCKING YOUR MUM IN THE ASS?

Phil McRoch : unfortunately not...but there's a pic of YOUR SISTER GIVING ME HEAD!

Heywood Jablome : Good God your moms got a mouth like hoover

Phil McRoch : at least she aint got fanny's so big it can fit a family of 6

Heywood Jablome : eh i ciao first....... talkin about your mum has made me all sweaty and shit.... your mamma has a face only a mother gorilla could love

Phil McRoch : and ur dad's dat mother gorilla...

Heywood Jablome : your mums ugly but at least shes cheap... "two dorrer sucky sucky... me can love you long time.."

Phil McRoch : u're mom comes with an easy payment plan of RM3.99 a month for half a month.... and if u call within da next minute...we'll throw in both of ur retarded sisters in, absolutely no charge!

hahahahaha...u've gotta love tim. he's got the weirdest stories to tell. and this is when he's SOBER! wait till u see him drug fucked. hahahaha... he'll put on a british accent and acts like a spastic monkey! well that's all for today. tune in again tomorrow for more "FUCKING YOUR MUM IN THE ASS" show...same time, same channel...

oh, for those who'd like to know where did "ME FUCKING YOUR MUM IN THE ASS" came from, check out jay pinkerton's ORIGIN OF SUPERMAN...hahaha...

fuck i'm lame...sigh...

2005-07-06T11:29:00.000+08:00

hahahah...how about that?! i've finally added myself to the statistics. i've jump on the bandwagon, really curious to find out what the whole deal is about. i'm part of this (not quite new) phenomenon. i am now... a proud owner of one of 4.12 million blogs in the world wide web. hahaha...but who the fuck cares. it's 1 in 4.12 MILLION!!! fuck it. it's just a place for me to rant about my boring everyday life and to (hopefully) improve my english. it's getting from bad to worse. sigh...gotta cut down on the drugs.

hahaha...a research company estimated that 66% - 2.72 million - of the blogs haven't been updated in two months and that 1.09 million blogs haven't been updated since the first day. The average duration for an abandoned blog was 126 days. let's hope i can outlast the dreaded 126 days, hahaha... we'll see how it goes.

well, gonna give meself a few days to get accustomed to this damn thing. gotta learn how to insert some pictures, link some friends, stuff like that. i actually wanted to start a photolog but the camera's not around. so yeah, words will have to do for now. hey how do u put a title before each postings?!?! i can't seem to find the right button for it. damn, this is all too new... and typing in 'perfect' english is taking forever. hahaha...will continue later... probably in casual 'Mang-lish'...it'll be more "ME"!!! huahuahuahua... later, fuckers...