i feel a tension in the air around me. something's going on between us. maybe i'm just too sensitive. either way it's been bugging me the whole day. i'm not too sure what i did wrong. or what i did not do. and she isn't giving me any answers either. maybe back tracking it would help. hmmm... where shall i start?
it was merdeka eve yesterday. today's the day our nation celebrate our independance for the 48th time. so naturally it would make last night another reason to get drunk and what-nots because it's a public holiday today. all this while i thought that we would spend the night together. but she thought i was going to the freedom48 rave, featuring hard kandy's scott alert. maybe because i did mention about the rave earlier, but have decided to drop it and forgot to tell her. she made plans with her friends to go somewhere. later i found out it was some barbeque party at her friend's place and later on to some club. she didn't say where. that was about 9pm, when she was going out. i told her i didn't have any plans. probably just to see the guys. and she suggested that i find some other friends. wasn't in the mood. earlier that day, ann did ask me what my plan was. and i told her i was going to see her, but she had other plans. ann insisted that i ask her if i could tag along. but i knew if she wanted me to go along, she would've ask me to, like how she always did. but no, there wasn't any invitation. first disappointment. so i finish up my work early, went back home, hid in my own four walls, and slept till the sun went down. still no calls from her. bahhh... anyways, back to where it was, after suggesting other plans for me, we said our goodbyes. she then went to suggest that we see other the next day. but i told her i had work to do. "maybe later in the day?!" she asked. sure, why not. i miss u badly.
and so it goes, celebrating our nations 'birthday' on our own. she went to wherever she said she was going. i ended up having dinner with ann and ho at some hawker stall. gig and esther joined us later. after that we went to a nearby snooker centre. god, the cigarette smell that reeks in there. how we missed it. hahahaha... we used to go there all the time when we were in college. just to kill time. played few frames. maureen dropped by for a while, just to pick ho up, i think. ann went with them. khang came by for a while. had to leave for some reasons we don't know. left quite abruptly too. threw the que to gig and said he had to make a phone call downstairs. minutes later he called and said he had to leave. and so in the end, only gig, esther and i were left. soon after, we left too. i came back, went online, surfing some shit, pour myself a mug of kahlua-milk and waste my time away. i think i passed out close to 5 am. why didn't i have called her to check on her?!
woke up in the afternoon (there goes "i've got work to do in the morning"). couldn't be bothered about work. lazed around in the room the whole day. still haven't pick up the phone to call her. why didn't i call her?! went online and i saw her. asked her what time should i go meet her. she said she was going out soon to meet jean. maybe later. fine. so i went back to bumming in my room. wasting more time (i swear i could've finish half of my pile of paper work by now!!) then at about 6pm, i called her again. no answer. 1 minute later she called me back. with a groggy voice, she said she just woke up from a nap, and is going to see jean now. i was speechless. oh well, maybe she partied to much last night and needed more rest. cool.
i was getting restless, so i messaged melwin on msn and ask if he wants to go out. we were going to see the rest of them at this coffee house in bandar bukit tinggi. halfway through the door, mum said we're going for dinner soon and suggested we go have a look at the new house. called mel up and canceled the plan. sorry mel!
the new house is completed. mum got the keys just few days ago. it's a new housing area. and ours is situated directly opposite a childrens playground. and behind the playground is a forest (because it's not being developed yet). and there were MONKEYS all over the playground!! it's like a zoo!!! shite... anyways, we were still thinking about moving to the new place. southern park holds so much fond memories for us. i'd prefer us to stay in the old place. maybe sell the new place and renovate the old one?! sigh... don't know what's going to happen.
picked dad up from a restaurant he was at with his friends having coffee. had simple dinner. hawker stall food near my workplace. nasi lemak and fried chicken. came back home pretty stuffed. called her again, but there was no answer. tried a few times. still no one pick up. mind starts to race. what's going on?! maybe i'm being sensitive again. cool down, chill out. then i smsed her saying 'guess i won't be seeing you tonight. am i even seeing you this weekend?!". still no reply.
i was getting really restless by 10:30pm. so i took the car out, went to fill up the petrol, thought maybe i should go for a spin, just to clear my mind. then she smsed me back. "one week don't see also cannot one is it?! last time can, now cannot?!" woahhhh my mind went besserk. after paying the cashier, i set my mind on going up to subang. while driving, i keep thinking about her sms. what did she mean by that?! it's alrite. we'll clear things up when i see her. so am i seeing her now?! is this what i should do?! god, i'm not sure. maybe i'll just drive by her house, just to see if she's in, just to see if her car is there.
and so i did. drove by her house 3 times. then i think to myself, this is stupid, driving outside her house and not call her at all. so did i call her?! nope. WHY?! i don't know. but i smsed her "would it be stupid to be driving outside your house and not call u?! or would it make things worst?! i miss u so badly... i just need to see u..." she replied "what's wrong la? can't you just tell me here?" now what is that suppose to mean?! hmmmm...the human male mind does not absorb questions like these. and as i drive by her house the 4th time, i smsed her again "i just want to see u. will u come outside?" her reply was short and simple "no, going to sleep soon" second disappointment! and so i drove back, defeated.
so what is really goin on?! what did i missed?! i'm still thinking about it. the whole episode replays in my mind, over and over and over again. we shall find out what really happen tomorrow. or the day after. or the day after. or the day after. when i've pluck up enough courage to call her again. u see, i'm not a man who is very good at dealing with issues of this sort. she can be the testimony of it. why even after 4 long years together, do i still have this problem of facing certain issues in our relationship?! i do not have the answer.
maybe i need help. can somebody help me?
it was merdeka eve yesterday. today's the day our nation celebrate our independance for the 48th time. so naturally it would make last night another reason to get drunk and what-nots because it's a public holiday today. all this while i thought that we would spend the night together. but she thought i was going to the freedom48 rave, featuring hard kandy's scott alert. maybe because i did mention about the rave earlier, but have decided to drop it and forgot to tell her. she made plans with her friends to go somewhere. later i found out it was some barbeque party at her friend's place and later on to some club. she didn't say where. that was about 9pm, when she was going out. i told her i didn't have any plans. probably just to see the guys. and she suggested that i find some other friends. wasn't in the mood. earlier that day, ann did ask me what my plan was. and i told her i was going to see her, but she had other plans. ann insisted that i ask her if i could tag along. but i knew if she wanted me to go along, she would've ask me to, like how she always did. but no, there wasn't any invitation. first disappointment. so i finish up my work early, went back home, hid in my own four walls, and slept till the sun went down. still no calls from her. bahhh... anyways, back to where it was, after suggesting other plans for me, we said our goodbyes. she then went to suggest that we see other the next day. but i told her i had work to do. "maybe later in the day?!" she asked. sure, why not. i miss u badly.
and so it goes, celebrating our nations 'birthday' on our own. she went to wherever she said she was going. i ended up having dinner with ann and ho at some hawker stall. gig and esther joined us later. after that we went to a nearby snooker centre. god, the cigarette smell that reeks in there. how we missed it. hahahaha... we used to go there all the time when we were in college. just to kill time. played few frames. maureen dropped by for a while, just to pick ho up, i think. ann went with them. khang came by for a while. had to leave for some reasons we don't know. left quite abruptly too. threw the que to gig and said he had to make a phone call downstairs. minutes later he called and said he had to leave. and so in the end, only gig, esther and i were left. soon after, we left too. i came back, went online, surfing some shit, pour myself a mug of kahlua-milk and waste my time away. i think i passed out close to 5 am. why didn't i have called her to check on her?!
woke up in the afternoon (there goes "i've got work to do in the morning"). couldn't be bothered about work. lazed around in the room the whole day. still haven't pick up the phone to call her. why didn't i call her?! went online and i saw her. asked her what time should i go meet her. she said she was going out soon to meet jean. maybe later. fine. so i went back to bumming in my room. wasting more time (i swear i could've finish half of my pile of paper work by now!!) then at about 6pm, i called her again. no answer. 1 minute later she called me back. with a groggy voice, she said she just woke up from a nap, and is going to see jean now. i was speechless. oh well, maybe she partied to much last night and needed more rest. cool.
i was getting restless, so i messaged melwin on msn and ask if he wants to go out. we were going to see the rest of them at this coffee house in bandar bukit tinggi. halfway through the door, mum said we're going for dinner soon and suggested we go have a look at the new house. called mel up and canceled the plan. sorry mel!
the new house is completed. mum got the keys just few days ago. it's a new housing area. and ours is situated directly opposite a childrens playground. and behind the playground is a forest (because it's not being developed yet). and there were MONKEYS all over the playground!! it's like a zoo!!! shite... anyways, we were still thinking about moving to the new place. southern park holds so much fond memories for us. i'd prefer us to stay in the old place. maybe sell the new place and renovate the old one?! sigh... don't know what's going to happen.
picked dad up from a restaurant he was at with his friends having coffee. had simple dinner. hawker stall food near my workplace. nasi lemak and fried chicken. came back home pretty stuffed. called her again, but there was no answer. tried a few times. still no one pick up. mind starts to race. what's going on?! maybe i'm being sensitive again. cool down, chill out. then i smsed her saying 'guess i won't be seeing you tonight. am i even seeing you this weekend?!". still no reply.
i was getting really restless by 10:30pm. so i took the car out, went to fill up the petrol, thought maybe i should go for a spin, just to clear my mind. then she smsed me back. "one week don't see also cannot one is it?! last time can, now cannot?!" woahhhh my mind went besserk. after paying the cashier, i set my mind on going up to subang. while driving, i keep thinking about her sms. what did she mean by that?! it's alrite. we'll clear things up when i see her. so am i seeing her now?! is this what i should do?! god, i'm not sure. maybe i'll just drive by her house, just to see if she's in, just to see if her car is there.
and so i did. drove by her house 3 times. then i think to myself, this is stupid, driving outside her house and not call her at all. so did i call her?! nope. WHY?! i don't know. but i smsed her "would it be stupid to be driving outside your house and not call u?! or would it make things worst?! i miss u so badly... i just need to see u..." she replied "what's wrong la? can't you just tell me here?" now what is that suppose to mean?! hmmmm...the human male mind does not absorb questions like these. and as i drive by her house the 4th time, i smsed her again "i just want to see u. will u come outside?" her reply was short and simple "no, going to sleep soon" second disappointment! and so i drove back, defeated.
so what is really goin on?! what did i missed?! i'm still thinking about it. the whole episode replays in my mind, over and over and over again. we shall find out what really happen tomorrow. or the day after. or the day after. or the day after. when i've pluck up enough courage to call her again. u see, i'm not a man who is very good at dealing with issues of this sort. she can be the testimony of it. why even after 4 long years together, do i still have this problem of facing certain issues in our relationship?! i do not have the answer.
maybe i need help. can somebody help me?
posted by arboon! at Wednesday, August 31, 2005
1 Comments:
what da??? man! women are so fuckin complicated sometimes, first she wants to see you, then no?
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