We talked again on the phone tonight. She actually left me a message with a sad smiley emoticon on my msn messenger earlier this afternoon, while I was out of the office. Only saw it later when I got back to the office at 9. smsed her back asking if anything’s wrong and she replied that she wants to talk, so I told her I’ll call her when I get home.

It started out quite casually. talking about our day at work, what we did, where we went, what we saw, stuff like that. talked about a movie which she only knew the plot but not the title. I googled it and found "Return to Paradise”, a 1998 movie about a guy who’s convicted of drug trafficking in Malaysia and is on deathrow. Did a quick search on it on imdb.com and found out that it wasn’t shot in Malaysia at all. Hahaha… I will try to search for the dvd. I think the reason they didn’t shoot it here in Malaysia is because the Malaysian government didn’t allow it. Here’s a story about drug trafficking and the Malaysia justice system and drug law, which imposes a death penalty to whoever is caught with a minimum amount of drug (200 mg of cannabis, but the film changed it to 100mg), to which some people in other parts of the world think is unjust. And I read some parts of the court hearing that occurs in the film is inaccurate. Must try to find the dvd. Hahaha…

Anyways, talked a bit more about work. Till we came to an awkward silence. To which she asked where is all this heading. What are we really doing. I think she’s confused about where we stand now. We’re no longer a couple and we’re not just mere friends either. And she keeps questioning her rights as a “more-than-friends” friend, like things she can or cannot say, feelings she must or must not hide. I kept reassuring her that it’s okay for her to share all her thoughts with me. Communication is key to me. I think that was what we’re lack of. As I’ve mention on earlier posts, we kinda took each other for granted and talked less and less towards the end of our relationship. maybe it was our busy work schedule, but we shouldn’t have let that stop us from chatting on the phone for at least half an hour every other day. Things like that can make or break a relationship.

I really hope we can resolve this matter quick and get back together. But right now, for me, I’d rather have it this way and be more open about certain things and communicate more. She also raised the question of ‘what if this goes on for too long and we both got fed up with the whole idea. That there is a possibility of us not getting back together at all. And if we don’t, then this will all be a waste of time”’. By now she was already sniffling on the other side of the phone. I told her that, if we were to get back together, I’d rather deal with the whole thing now and live happily ever after later than to jump right into the whole circle and make the same mistake again. this isn’t the first time we’ve broken up based on such matters. it’s like history repeating itself and I wouldn’t want to let it happen ever again.

aw man, it's 2:30 am already. shite... been having trouble waking up these days. damn...