a second attempt

no...i can't get it out of my head. better get it done with while it's still fresh in my head. hahahaha...

as i was saying, i finally spoke to yimun. it was a relieve, actually. because i thought that it would be weird. i actually asked her when i saw her online if it would be weird if we're still talking. maybe because i felt it was weird. she was cool all along. i'm one of those guys that think that couples will have a hard time talking to each other after they've broken up. but i guess i was wrong. it's good to hear from her voice again. made some small talks. no awkward silences like i thought it would be. then i blurted "i miss you". "what is it you missed?" she asked. what is it i missed? "i miss talking to you, calling you, miss looking forward to seeing you, miss holding you, miss your scent," i thought to myself. of course i didn't say it out loud. hahahaha... "is it the companionship?" she asked. maybe, i guess. "but this sort of companionship can be gained else where." she's right. but it's not the same. it'll never be the same. sigh...

we both agreed that we made a mistake by jumping into a relationship so soon. not that we needed a long courtship (she always argue that she was the one courting me, but that is only partly true!!!) we went straight into a long distance relationship right after we became an item. BAD MOVE! four and a half years ago, we got together. she was studying in perth at that time. but she's not away away, mind you. she was back here on holidays. and we've met each other quite often when she was here. and everything else seemed so perfect at that time. like it's meant to be. i still remember the first time we held hands like it was yesterday. hahahaha... care free and simple, nothing else mattered then. but then she has to leave for perth again and good byes were hard. oh shit, i don't think she even knows about this. at that time i was working for my dad, as a chauffeur, driving him around town and running errands. then came the day she had to leave but i couldn't send her off, so we said our goodbyes on the phone instead. man, i cried like a bitch! and when dad came back to the car, i had to coverline. hahahahaha... sigh... those were the days. when our love was true. or was it?!

see, even though we've been together for four and a half years, we've only seen each other for two years, two and a half years - MAX! being in a long distance relationship ain't easy. sure, we've got communications. but it isn't quite enough. phone calls were aplenty during the first few weeks she was gone. after awhile it became irregular after we've settled into our own lives. we chatted online quite frequently, exchanging emails every other day. we've even wrote each other love letters (snail mail) too, but i guess when the other person isn't around you, you'll always feel lonely, empty. like something's missing. nothing can beat the gentle touch of your loved one.

together we planned our future. simple life, small family, couple of kids, a dog, nice house. but i guess that's not what we wanted actually. i know for sure that's not what she wanted. it's not that we were lying from each other. but i guess at that moment when you're so into each other, so in love, you wanted nothing more than just being together with that person, no matter what. maybe it's a good thing after all now that we're apart. it'll give us a better idea of who we are, who we want to be. setting goals for ourselves, the life we want to lead. maybe it's better this way, just being friends for the time being. perhaps now, we've less things to hide from each other. maybe this is our getting-to-know-you phase. a little late, but it's worth a try. she even said that maybe after we really got to know each other better, we might not like each other very much! hahahaha...she's right, you know. you wouldn't know what might happen at the end of the day.

these few weeks have been hell for the both of us, but we agreed that we've learnt a thing or two from it. she thinks (and i agree) that she's grown more mature since we broke up. she said she's learnt how to handle things a little better, seeing things from different perspective. can't say much about myself though. i think i've got more to catch up. (goddamnit , i had a good arguement here in the earlier post but it's wiped out of my mind)

after an hour on the phone, we finally said our good nights. no more i-love-yous. guess it'll be like that from now on. i don't think we will be talking that much, cause she said she wouldn't want to lead me on. it's for the better, i guess. yeah... it's for the better. perhaps, after we've come to terms with ourselves and each other, we might learn to love each other even more. a fresh start. but of course this not going to happen anytime soon. things like that takes time. we'll just see. like what she said, LEAVE IT TO FATE.

oh, did i mentioned i called walter of borneo inks? might go around hartamas tomorrow evening to pop the new plugs in. 14mm double flare pyrex plugs! woot woot! hahahaha...but that's another story for another day...